Our desire for connection and love runs deep, so much so that we may compromise who we are, in order to belong. Brené Brown says that when we ‘fit in’ instead of actually ‘belong,’ we mould ourselves to the situation instead of standing for our authentic self. We want to belong to our tribe or our family and to feel loved and cherished.

Our sense of community clashes with our fear of difference. Peculiarly enough our need to belong is also tied in with our need to be different and unique. The only true belonging is the courage to stand alone and belong to ourselves.

Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it. When she asked what people are worried about and trying to achieve, it was the idea of belonging that was most important, with many yearning to “be part of something–to experience real connection with others–but not at the cost of their authenticity, freedom or power.”īelonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us.

So much of these characteristics are tied up in the concept of belonging. World-renowned researcher Brené Brown has spent years studying and interviewing people about the things that really matter: vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame. We yearn to belong, to fit in, to have a tribe and yet this most basic and profound desire is so often thwarted. Have you ever felt like you just don’t belong? Like you’re a pink chicken in a field of graceful giraffes, or that perhaps you came to the wrong planet? Certainly many people seem to feel this way, either about their families, or their community, their sexuality and culture.

Brené brown belonging